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 How dare you? General MacArthur pointed at him.  Are
you saying this poor Nazi shouldn t be given a second reich& I
mean chance by society!
 This is going to more difficult than I expected, Wilson told
the four defendants apologetically.
 Come on Wilson, you can do it! Benjamin urged his
faithful Butler come Counsel for the Defence.
 Right! General MacArthur s eyes protruded from their
sockets alarmingly.  Put a gag on that nigger!
And so, to the anger of the defendants and their loyal
barrister, Master Benjamin, a man of words but not published
works, was gagged by the ape like soldiers who stood by the dock.
They proceeded to tie his hands behind his back and began
beating and torturing him.
 Stop! General MacArthur told them.  We ll never get this
trial finished otherwise. We ll find some Iraqis to beat, rape and
generally humiliate later if you like. We must now focus on
imprisoning these terrorists. Now, I am going to lay down the
charges against the guilty, I mean, the accused. Allan Franks, you
are charged with& oh fuck it! You re going to burn in hell! Karim
Khan you are a Muslim. I leave it to the jury to decide if he
should go to Guantanemo Bay or not. Brother Julius, if that s your
real name, you might get off because you re a white Christian but
intelligence reports suggest you might be a Commie.
 What? Brother Julius shrugged at his barrister in total
ignorance.  I once passed a bloke holding up a Socialist placard in
Trafalgar Square.
 Hang him! yelled Cousin Goering Frank Bunt.  Burn down
his house!
 This leaves us with the nigger&  General MacArthur cleared
his throat.  I mean the African American.
 Master Benjamin is British, Wilson paced in front of the
jury with his arms behind his back.  He has got African blood, but
to refer to even an inch of him as American would be a major slur
on the noble name of the Bunt family. I take offence at the term
 nigger but I suspect that this court is one obsessed with locking
up people who are different in race, colour, creed or ideology from
the American hierarchy. With that in mind I might as well join the
defendants in the dock. This is simply not cricket.
 What the hell is cricket? asked the Judge.
 A clever version of baseball. But I digress. If you really
insist on persisting with this farcical trial then you make a
mockery of the democracy you pretend to defend& 
From outside the court shouting could be heard along with
scuffling before the soldiers got their heads clubbed in with a
cricket bat. The doors opened as Satan, in all his roll necked
jumper glory, marched in. The courtroom was aghast. The soldiers
all took aim and fired. Satan displayed a neat trick of deflecting
the bullets off his wristwatch and back into their chests and
throats. He stepped over the corpses to walk with a swagger
towards the Judge.
 I ve had quite enough of this, he remarked with a
contemptuous sneer at just about everyone in the court.
 Oh wonderful, Karim held his head.  If it wasn t desperate
enough the Devil joins their side!
 Quite the contrary! he lovingly stroked his goatee.  I am
sick of the Americans. I ve been watching them for years and they
are getting on my nerves! I am the evil corrupting presence on this
planet! Not them! I say that you re all innocent, well apart from
Skag, and that they be released immediately.
 Your statement will be taken into consideration, General
MacArthur eyed him suspiciously as Satan took his seat by
Detective Inspector Banks.
 It bloody well should! yelled back Satan.  I am, after all,
the Prince of Darkness!
 I m going to sentence, announced General MacArthur.  I
have to be in Texas tomorrow so I can t afford any further delays.
Right then, Allan Franks is sentenced to life in a nasty English
prison where they play hunt the soap on a daily basis. Karim
Khan, terrorist first and Muslim second, will go straight to
Guantenemo bay. I have neither the time or inclination to sentence
Brother Julius whilst Benjamin Bunt will get off on being black.
Political correctness gone mad.
With that the legal eagle marched out as his soldiers seized
Karim Khan and began stripping him. Within moments he was
dressed in an orange jumpsuit and crawling about the floor at
gunpoint with his arms tied behind his back. Skag was taken down
below smoking a joint which set off the sprinklers.
Back at Chez Bunt Benjamin, Julius, Wilson and Detective
Inspector Banks sat eating Beef Stroganoff in the dining room.
 The mushrooms are quite fantastic! raved Banks.
 Wild mushrooms, smiled Wilson.  From Italy.
 So what are we going to do about Karim? asked Benjamin.
 Getting someone out of Guantanemo bay is virtually
impossible, Banks mulled the idea over in his mind while chewing
the beef.
  We can t just let him rot in prison!
 No, you re right, we can t but I think the next few
chapters& I mean weeks& will keep you busy.
 Fancy, began Julius.  After trying to hunt down and catch
Satan he comes to us as a character witness! If only I d had my
dagger.
 Fair s fair, Wilson cleared the dishes up.  You can t kill a
man when he s made the effort to actually come and support you
in court.
 Excuse me, Detective Inspector Banks raised an eyebrow.
 Can we just rewind a little?
 How far? Julius frowned.
 To when you mentioned you are in possession of a dagger
to kill Satan with?
 Oh that!
 Yes, oh that!
 We ve been meaning to tell you Detective Inspector Banks,
Wilson sat down at the table and kicked Julius in the shin.  But we
were so busy that it slipped our minds.
 Just be careful, Banks warned them.  He might ve been on
your side tonight but I wouldn t want to be his enemy.
Chapter XI
During which the reader should definitely
read on and not go to sleep. If you re
yawning tomorrow morning and your
boss says anything then make them read
it. They ll either agree that it was worth
it or make the stunning revelation that
they can t actually read so that you may
then point at them and laugh. Loudly.
The red phone rang in the hall way so that Wilson quickly [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]